Politics Headlines

Salmond To Generate Electricity By Rubbing Himself Against Shereen Nanjiani

FIRST minister Alex Salmond plans to satisfy the nation's energy needs by rubbing himself against a variety of high profile Scots.

Cameron To Spend Two Weeks As A Wheelie Bin

TORY leader David Cameron is to spend two weeks living as a wheelie bin in East London in a bid to highlight the current crisis in British refuse collection.

Brown Era To Be Cold And Wet, Says Met Office

THE premiership of Gordon Brown will be dominated by the damp, dreary weather so typical of his native Fife, the Met Office warned last night.

Brown Pledges 650 New 'Gordontowns'

GORDON Brown has pledged to build 650 new ideologically-friendly towns across Britain when he becomes Prime Minister.

Salmond Demands Separate Scottish Eurovision Entry

SNP Leader Alex Salmond has provoked the first constitutional crisis of the new parliament by demanding Scotland have its own entry in the Eurovision song contest.

Salmond Offers To Buy Nicol Stephen A Pony

ALEX Salmond has extended the hand of friendship to Lib Dem leader Nicol Stephen by offering to buy him a beautiful pony named 'Brambles'.

Mcconnell Barricades Himself Inside Bute House

FIRST Minister Jack McConnell has barricaded himself inside his official residence and is refusing to leave.

Scotland Branded 'Idiot State' By Un Election Observers

UNITED Nations election observers last night labeled Scotland as one of the most knuckle-headed countries on the face of the earth.