Politics Headlines

Ray Of Sunshine Moves Into Number 10

BRITAIN was basked in a golden glow of happy sunshine yesterday as Gordon Brown finally became Prime Minister.

Only 75% Think Blair Is A Fecking Twunt, According To Daily Mash Poll

TONY Blair was thrilled last night after only 75% of Daily Mash readers said he would be remembered as a "fecking twunt".

Rosa Klebb Wins Labour Deputy Contest

SMERSH assassin Rosa Klebb is the new deputy leader of the Labour Party after a closely fought contest in which she killed all of her rivals.

'Brown Offered Me A Foot Rub', Claims Ashdown

LORD Ashdown has accused the Labour Party of playing politics with his feet after he was offered a vigorous massage by Gordon Brown.

Blair Sends Back Agent Provocateur Panties

TONY Blair is to return all his Agent Provocateur crotchless panties in protest at the saucy lingerie brand founder’s decision to reject his MBE.

Brown To Appoint Milburn As 'Cabinet Enemy'

GORDON Brown will appoint Alan Milburn as his official Enemy in Cabinet when he takes over as Prime Minister next week.

Scots Tories Back Referendum On Existence Of Scots Tory Party

SENIOR Tories last night backed a referendum on whether the Scottish Conservative Party is real or a figment of Annabel Goldie's imagination.

Blair Announces Plans For Beard

PRIME minister Tony Blair has outlined his plans for a full beard when he leaves office at the end of this month.