UNITED Nations election observers last night labeled Scotland as one of the most knuckle-headed countries on the face of the earth.
With more than 90% of the votes cast rendered utterly useless, the UN said the election would have been more efficient if it had been managed by a group of orangutans.
In Edinburgh more than 40,000 votes were incinerated after election workers stuffed ballot papers into microwave ovens instead of electronic voting machines.
In Glasgow 25,000 votes were binned because they were covered in chocolate. Meanwhile in the Western Isles dozens of ballot boxes were stolen by gangs of highly organised mice.
In Inverness armed police had to be called in when workers at the count started making paper aeroplanes out of ballot papers and refused to stop.
Scotland Office minister David Cairns said: "With hindsight it was probably not the best idea to put Frank Spencer in charge of a national election."
Spencer was unavailable for comment as he had trapped his hand in a ballot box and was in the process of destroying thousands of pounds worth of crockery.
Stephen Malley, head of the UN team, said: "We've been to Africa, Asia and South America and witnessed elections marred by violence and corruption, but you people are easily the biggest bunch of cretins we've ever encountered."
