Is it just me or is it getting saucy in here?

Meanwhile local communities will be encouraged to set up neighbourhood sex parties to promote social cohesion and having a good time.

In addition, the weekend will be extended to include Monday so that workers can recover from 48 hours of wild, booze-filled sexiness.

A party spokesman said: "Someone in the research department noticed that Life on Mars seemed to be terribly popular these days so we decided to give the manifesto a distinctly '70s feel.

"We took it to the party leadership expecting a few amendments here and there, but you know Annabel, she's up for anything."

Those Tory manifesto highlights:

• EDUCATION: Maths, physics and geography to be made saucier
  

• TRANSPORT: Saucy or cheeky bus conductors on all urban routes

• LAW & ORDER: Judges forced to acquit the spouses of saucy, large-breasted women

• ECONOMY: 100,000 new window cleaners

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