Scots Tories Pledge Cut Price Booze And Neighbourhood Sex Parties
THE Scottish Tories were accused of blatant populism today as they unveiled a manifesto bursting at the seems with sex, booze and holidays.
Meanwhile local communities will be encouraged to set up neighbourhood sex parties to promote social cohesion and having a good time.
In addition, the weekend will be extended to include Monday so that workers can recover from 48 hours of wild, booze-filled sexiness.
A party spokesman said: "Someone in the research department noticed that Life on Mars seemed to be terribly popular these days so we decided to give the manifesto a distinctly '70s feel.
"We took it to the party leadership expecting a few amendments here and there, but you know Annabel, she's up for anything."
Those Tory manifesto highlights:
- EDUCATION: Maths, physics and geography to be made saucier
- TRANSPORT: Saucy or cheeky bus conductors on all urban routes
- LAW & ORDER: Judges forced to acquit the spouses of saucy, large-breasted women
- ECONOMY: 100,000 new window cleaners
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