the dailymash

The policy commitment will see Lamont nailed inside the box which will then be placed in the middle of an empty warehouse on the outskirts of Reading.

He will be fed morning and evening and if, at any point, he talks about the economy, his guards will be ordered to open the rear flap and drop in an angry scorpion.

A party spokesman said: "If we are going to restore stability and growth the last thing we need is Norman Lamont not locked inside a big box .

"This guy can cause a three year recession just by staring really hard at a pound coin."

The spokesman added: "We did think about getting Ken Clarke to sit on him, but Ken said he'd rather sit on Geoffrey Howe."

The Tories' radical two-point plan for the economy includes:

• Norman Lamont-in-a-box
  
  

• Public finances to be controlled by people who actually know what they're doing rather than a 13 year-old smart arse and a guy who used to work for Carlton Television.

Meanwhile it has also emerged the Tories have ended years of financial dependence on jumble sales and tombolas by finally accepting donations from some very unpleasant rich people.