Try to work as more of a team, rabid dogs advise Tories

03-11-17

A PACK of slavering, rabid dogs has advised the Conservative party to bury their differences and work together. 

The dogs took a brief break from nipping each other, growling menacingly at rivals and singling out weaker members to kill them to counsel Tory MPs not to do anything rash.

Alsatian Tom Logan said: “Listen, I’ve been shaking and frothing at the mouth for ages. All the lads have started calling me Cujo. And even I’m saying chill out.

“I know, I know, when you’re in a foaming rage, everything looks like a bared throat. But the lone dog gets shot dead. That was the moral lesson of To Kill A Mockingbird. 

“Sure you’ve got the red mist. Sure, you could take Leadsom down but this new defence guy could take you down but your backbench buddy could take him down. But could you do more damage as a collective?

“You can’t run a pack on nothing but scraps of bloody fur. But hey. I know in this case I’m the cooler head.”

The advice follows proposals from the EU to impose six months of compulsory quarantine on Conservative MPs travelling to the continent, to control the spread of infection.

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