You can demand the papers of anyone suspiciously foreign after Brexit, leak reveals

BRITONS will be empowered to demand the papers of anyone a bit foreign-looking after Brexit, a leak has revealed. 

Home Office plans show that every UK resident will be empowered to check the papers of suspected EU nationals, either on the spot or by setting up improvised ‘street corner checkpoints’. 

Roy Hobbs of Hitchin said: “I see them every day, mocking me with their brown eyes and refusal to salute war memorials. A fifth column operating among us.

“Finally I’ll have the power that should be every Englishman’s birthright to challenge anyone I don’t like the look of to prove their legitimacy. 

“I’ll probably check everyone on my train every morning, then in the evening I’ll get the family to roadblock the cul-de-sac so we can make sure nobody’s sneaking in to sabotage our resolve. 

“The Scots’ll need papers as well, of course. And the Welsh. And Remoaners.” 

He added: “I’m already practicing saying ‘Papers, please!’ in front of the mirror every day. I’ll be just like the heroes in the war films.”