Queen to crowbar cannabis legalisation into speech


THE Queen will announce the legalisation of cannabis tomorrow, against the government’s wishes.

Margaret got her into it

Margaret got her into it

A leaked copy of the official speech, amended with the Queen’s handwriting, shows the monarch will overrule the coalition’s firm stance on marijuana.

The speech reads: “It is such nonsense that puff is still illegal.

“I fail to see how it is any more harmful than fags, less so perhaps if smoked in a vapouriser.

“Personally I prefer a vape anyway because it’s smoother, but that’s personal opinion – I don’t want to get all political here.

“Anyway weed is legal now. And that’s that.”

Later in the speech, a bill banning wild animals in circuses has been amended to read “except tigers and those funny little monkeys”.

The Queen has also written a short section banning fennel: “You always get it at state dinners and it’s rank.”

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