HUMANITY is conflicted over whether it is worth decimating the planet to maintain the supply of desirable consumer goods.
MODEL Kelly Brook has left the mortal plane to travel the higher realms looking for love.
PARENTS unable to afford school fees have been reduced to leaving public school prospectuses in highly visible areas of their homes.
ANYTHING described as ‘totally legal’ is always the wrong thing to do, it has emerged.
OFFICIALS will enforce 'pinch, punch, first of the month' tomorrow, it has been confirmed.
THE British economy is now completely dependent on 19-year-olds playing and narrating computer games.
DOG enthusiasts have called for stranger and more physically dysfunctional breeds.
PUBLIC support for the European Union peaks when it is lording it over the USA, it has emerged.