News

BBC ordered to refer to Terminator as T-800

THE government has told the BBC not to prejudice the public by referring to the T-800 as the Terminator.

The Mash guide to barbecues

THE sun is shining, which means that you can only look in enviously at the comforts of your home while you chew meat in the garden.

Greece holds decisive referendum on Christ knows what

THE Greek people are ready to give their final yes or no vote on an unknown issue that will decide their entire future.

Dolphins spoiling for a fight

DOLPHINS are vicious, brutal thugs spoiling for a fight with humanity, it has emerged.

Coffee round so complicated it requires a specialist

A CITY accountancy firm has advertised for a trained specialist to deal with its demanding daily coffee round.

London to have its own national anthem

LONDON is to have its own national anthem to mark its status as an entirely separate place from England.

Pompous arse taking tough stance on Greece

COMPLETE nobody Roy Hobbs is demanding tough action be taken against Greece.

Third Heathrow runway to be disguised by cave mouth and collapsible palm trees

HEATHROW’S third runway will be discreetly hidden inside a cliff face with palm trees that fold down when planes launch.