News

Visiting relatives call with initial list of impossible demands

THE relatives that arrive this weekend have issued their first tranche of impossible-to-meet demands, with more to follow. 

Smug bitcoin bastards must get their comeuppance before New Year, demands Britain

THE UK has demanded that all the smug bastards who own bitcoin lose their entire investment before Christmas. 

Random shit things in a basket apparently a 'hamper'

A WICKER basket containing some biscuits and tea bags is apparently a fabulous Victorian-style Christmas hamper, it has been confirmed.

Family worried how grandad will manage without hard Brexit

A PENSIONER will have nothing to occupy his twilight years if the hard Brexit that fills his days is taken away from him, say his worried relatives.

48-year-old realises he can no longer manage full cooked breakfast

A MIDDLE-AGED man has realised that he can no longer make it more than two-thirds through a cooked breakfast.

Man always cries at bit in Die Hard where cop rediscovers the magic of killing

A MAN has admitted he always cries at Die Hard when the black cop who was afraid to draw his gun rediscovers the magic of killing.

90 per cent of men will happily drink disgusting coffee served by attractive female barista

MOST men will happily drink a vile coffee if it was made by an attractive woman, scientists have confirmed.

Present-hunting children unprepared for what they might find in 'mum's special drawer'

BRITAIN’S children are in no way prepared for what they will find in their parents’ bedrooms while looking for their Christmas presents, it has been confirmed.