THE omnipotent John Lewis has descended from the heavens to stop customers taking the piss with free cakes.
RICHARD Dawkins has taken to walking down the street saying horrible, unprovoked things to total strangers.
THE father of Coldplay’s Chris Martin keeps asking when he’s going to bring his new girlfriend home.
THE middle class shoppers who switched to budget supermarkets have wondered if they can switch back soon.
AGGRESSIVE swans like those terrorising tourists on the river Cam are to replace Britain’s nuclear arsenal.
A 25-YEAR-OLD woman’s punk-influenced hair has been verbally abusing her family.
EVERY female character in TV and film is now exceptionally determined and hard as nails.
UNMARRIED people are to be forced into strangers' family homes as long-lost aunts or uncles, the government has announced.