News

Man’s brain discards final bits of GCSE French to relearn the Macarena

A MAN'S brain has erased all remnants of GCSE French in order to relearn the moves to the Macarena.

Office f**ked without the one woman who knows what she’s doing

AN office is in meltdown because the one member of staff who understands how everything works has taken the day off.

Woman discovers adding 'LOL!' is great excuse to be an utter shit

A WOMAN who adds ‘LOL!’ to the end of all communication thinks she can get away with being completely vile.

Middle-class family tanning absolute f**k out of their National Trust membership

A FAMILY have spent the Easter holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute fucking hammering.

EU dares to have Brexit demands

THE EU has dared to have a list of demands for the Brexit negotiations when it is Britain that will be doing the demanding.

Cyclists handed yet another reason to think they’re better than you

THE news that cycling cuts the risk of cancer by half has given cyclists another reason to be insufferably smug, it has emerged.

Friend selfishly having birthday drinks in his bit of London

A FRIEND is celebrating his birthday near his flat in Stoke Newington, despite it being miles from where everyone else lives.

Mathematical equations still best way to sell shampoo

COMPLICATED mathematical equations requiring viewers to work out how many people equal 78 per cent of 237 remain the best way to sell shampoo, say experts.