A MARRIED couple who have not spoken since 1994 have no idea what they are called, their children confirmed.
CATHEDRAL architects must be vetted so they do not design buildings that look Turkish, UKIP has demanded.
ALL remaining public assets are to be transferred to Richard Branson to see what he does with them.
MEN who love vinyl records have been told to just f**king marry them and live happily ever after.
A BLACK Friday shopper has stopped hitting a pensioner in the face so she can take in the atmosphere.
AN unemployed, single and homeless man is racing against time to sort his life out before seeing his relatives for Christmas.
PUBLIC health officials have advised the public to stop eating chicken while pecking the microphone and squawking intermittently.
THE commission on new powers for Scotland has unveiled a camel with nine legs, seven humps and 13 buttocks.