Assange to hand himself in after realising he only had Adam Sandler films left to watch

JULIAN Assange is to hand himself over to US officials after watching every film that doesn't feature Adam Sandler.

Woman still posting those pukey Facebook messages

A WOMAN is continuing to share ‘inspirational’ Facebook memes long after everyone else decided they were cliched drivel, it has emerged.

London friend wants to know if you're free in 10 weeks' time

A FRIEND from London has asked you to let her know by this afternoon if you are free for a drink in April.

Sexy posh girls unveil bullshit fad diet

TWO hot, incredibly annoying posh girls have unveiled the latest bullshit fad diet.

Trump starts day by idly crossing countries off world map

DONALD Trump has started his day by idly crossing off countries on a map of the world.

Man decides not to wish someone 'happy birthday' on Facebook

A MAN on Facebook has decided to not wish happy birthday to someone he only kind of knows.

US flag changed to orange, purple and white to match Trump’s face

THE stars-and-stripes is switching colour scheme to orange, purple and white to match President Trump’s facial colouring.

Trump confirms this is going to be completely f**king insane

DONALD Trump has confirmed that the next four years are going to be as fucked up as his campaign.