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Girls whispering about you

THESE girls are whispering about you, it has been claimed.

Science fiction series set in parallel world where Trump is a good human being

A NEW science fiction series is set in an alternate reality where Donald Trump is a wise and kind leader of humanity.

No one sure how to tell couple all their baby names are ridiculous

FRIENDS of an expectant couple are unsure how to tell them that all their baby names are utterly absurd.

Primark 'must never be said aloud'

THE first rule of Primark is never talk about Primark, the bargain clothes retailer has confirmed.

Bastard cat refusing to do that cute thing he does

A BASTARD cat has shown up his owner by refusing to do that adorable thing he does every day.

45-year-old man finally accepts that some people like rap music

A MIDDLE-AGED music fan who insisted that anyone claiming to enjoy rap music is lying has finally accepted some of them must be genuine.

Successful A-Level student to mention results every day for rest of life

A STUDENT who received top A-Level results plans to work them into every conversation she has for the rest of her life.

Trump to chew long piece of grass while holding shotgun across his shoulders

DONALD Trump is to conduct the rest of 'presidency' while balancing a shotgun across the back of his neck and chewing on a piece of grass.