A POLAR research vessel has admitted it is both disappointed and angry to not be called Boaty McBoatface.
THE government has decided that rural homes do not want broadband internet, electricity, water, sewerage or use of the road network.
PEOPLE who express themselves in plain, simple terms are invariably wrong, it has emerged.
BRITONS have confirmed that four days of work per week is the most they can be expected to cope with.
THE Labour Party in Scotland has finished ninth behind a party promising more human sacrifices.
LONDON commuters delayed for hours by a fire on the tracks at Vauxhall are thrilled that there is a genuine reason for once.
EVERYONE should take a moment to consider how mental lobsters are, according to experts.
A SUNSHINE-INSPIRED attempt to do a social activity not involving the pub immediately died on its arse, it has emerged.
- Non-Londoners don’t listen to podcasts because they are not constantly bored and lonely
- Top level hipsters meet to discuss gammon
- Leicester win exposing public to toxic levels of Kasabian
- Tests ‘prepare children for constantly being judged by idiots’
- Sensible man reads Trump news then googles 'build a nuclear shelter'