News

Graduates doing low-paid jobs in a moody way

UNIVERSITY graduates trapped in low-paid jobs have resolved to do them in a grudging, sour-faced manner.

Pitt and Jolie finally end their sex life

ANGELINA Jolie and Brad Pitt have confirmed that their sex life is over and done by announcing their marriage.

Privacy experts too paranoid even for lunch

The UK’s foremost authorities on privacy law have refused to confirm their availability for a working lunch next Friday.

Hello Kitty ‘the nightmarish result of an immoral genetic experiment’

HELLO Kitty is a vengeful cat-human hybrid that feeds on livers, it has been confirmed.

The Shard turned into a charity shop

LONDON’S tallest building has become Europe’s biggest branch of Cancer Research.

DVLA getting kids to make tax discs

THE DVLA has a team of seven-year-old girls making its tax discs using colourful card and glitter.

‘Piss off, you hipster git’ says Mary Berry

BRITAIN cheered last night as Mary Berry told a hipster to get the hell off her television programme.

Paid work is a poor career choice, say employers

WORKERS who demand to be paid are missing out on valuable opportunities to showcase themselves and add to their CVs, it has been claimed.