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FUN CAUSES CANCER, SAY DOCS

ImageA LIFE of po-faced self-denial and thinking that animals are people can reduce the risk of cancer, doctors have claimed.

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BUT WE LOVE THE MADNESS, BANKERS TELL DARLING

ImageBANKERS have rejected Alistair Darling's plea not to return to the 'madness' that caused the recession, insisting they bloody love it.

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FURIOUS RUSSELL T DAVIES THREATENS TO TURN BBC GAYLIEN

ImageTORCHWOOD creator Russell T Davies has reacted angrily to cuts in the series by threatening to turn the BBC's entire TV output into a same-sex inter-galactic love-in.

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PRINCE CHARMING GIVEN 48 HOURS TO REVIVE MICHAEL JACKSON

ImagePRINCE Charming has been handed a 48-hour deadline to get to the Neverland Ranch and attempt to revive Michael Jackson.
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MONEY NOW WORTH RANDOM AMOUNTS

ImageTWENTY pence  is now worth £50, a tenner is worth 12p and a 2p piece is worth about four grand, it was confirmed last night.

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ALL CHILDRENS PARTIES A BAD IDEA, SAY DOCS

ImageSWINE flu parties for children are exactly as bad as any other party filled with jam-covered little shits fucking-up your widescreen television, doctors said last night.

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FEARS GROW OVER VAMPIRE POLICEMEN

ImageBRITAIN'S police forces have been overrun by idiot, racist vampires, it was claimed last night.

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Mash Radio: MICHAEL SHEEN TO PLAY RED RUM

ImageTONY Blair actor Michael Sheen is to extend his repertoire of real-life characters by playing Red Rum in a BBC mini-series.

 

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