the dailymash

Beach Boys reunion spells defeat for Beach Boys fans

FANS of iconic '60s group the Beach Boys have admitted defeat in their battle to stop them reforming.

Tax breaks to encourage two people to fantasise about killing each other

THE government is to introduce tax breaks that will encourage two people to draw up elaborate plans for murder.

North Korea to execute Kim Jong Il's heart attack

KIM Jong-Il's fatal heart attack is to be executed by firing squad, it has been confirmed.

Hitchens cancer not intelligently designed

THE cancer which claimed Christopher Hitchens was either random or stupid, it has been confirmed.

Zoo to build nightclub for gay animals

A CANADIAN zoo has announced plans to construct a specialist nightclub for its homosexual animals.

French shocked by lack of shock

THE people of France have been left shocked by the complete absence of shock they feel at former president Jacques Chirac being found guilty of embezzlement.

End of Iraq war marked by beginning of Iraq civil war

AMERICA'S withdrawal from Iraq will be marked by a special civil war as soon as the last helicopter leaves.

Scholars to definitely read Brontë manuscript at some point

PROFESSORS who paid £700,000 for a rare Charlotte Brontë manuscript have just sort of skimmed through it.