News
Christopher Eccleston Claims He Was Doctor Who
SURLY actor Christopher Eccleston has claimed he was the star of Doctor Who.
Hard-Up Public Sector Pensioners 'Will Sing U2 Songs In Tube Stations'
A CUT in public sector pensions will lead to lots of decrepit leftists singing U2 songs in tube stations to make ends meet, it was warned last night.
Emergency Christine Bleakley Information Service Launched
A NEW 24-hour telephone helpline has been launched to fill the gaps in Britain's rolling Christine Bleakley requirements.
Junior Apprentice Urged To Get Some Cider And A Copy Of 'Porky'S' Before It's Too Late
THE 17 year-old winner of The Junior Apprentice has been urged to grab a two litre bottle of cider and a copy of Porky's, the 1980s high school romp, before he turns into an irretrievable tosspot.
We're Too Busy To Take A Break, Say Arseholes Who Aren't Really
OVER half of Britain's office workers are tedious sods playing the martyr to make everyone else look bad, according to new research.
Obama Starting To Sound Like A Bit Of An Arse
PRESIDENT Obama's handling of the Gulf oil spill is starting to make him
come across as a bit of an arsehole, it emerged today.
White People Advised Against B.A. Baracus Impersonations
THE new A-Team film is to carry a warning advising white men in
their 30s not to impersonate B.A. Baracus.
Pregnant Women To Be Labelled
EXPECTANT women are to be labelled to avoid embarrassing confusion with the fat ones, it has been confirmed.
- Bon Jovi Gigs To Trigger Fresh Wave Of Pathetic Pub Bands
- UK To Cut Immigrant Numbers By Teaching Them To Read The Daily Mail
- Fat Boys To Be Sent On Outward Bound Porn Hunt
- Out Of Date iPhone Users Forced To Sit At Back Of Bus
- Bastards Thinking Of New Names For Your Fat Bits
