News
Men Under Pressure To Look Vaguely Presentable
IMAGES of male beauty in the media are forcing men to make some sort of grudging effort to look half-decent, it was claimed last night.
Toddlers Banned From Eating Each Other
NURSERY school children will no longer be allowed to bite chunks out of each under new rules introduced today.
Animals Obstructing Progress
SUPERFLUOUS wildlife is still hampering vital progress in the logging and fast food industries, it was claimed last night.
Sales Of L115-A3 Sniper Rifles Soar
SALES of the British-built L115A3 long-range sniper rifle have risen by almost 250% in a single week, it emerged last night.
Lars Von Trier Revealed As 'Sex And The City' Mastermind
THE Sex And The City franchise was secretly conceived by Lars Von Trier as an exercise in existential horror, the Danish director has revealed.
First-Time Buyers Still Pathetic
YOUNG would-be homebuyers are still clinging to their nauseatingly rose-tinted hopes and dreams, it was claimed last night.
Media Mount 24-Hour Vigil Outside Cheryl Cole's Fandango
THE world's media last night set up camp outside Cheryl Cole's vagina amid mounting rumours it is about to be reactivated.
Lord Ashcroft To Buy Belgium Instead
TORY donor Lord Ashcroft has abandoned his plans to buy Britain and is now switching his attention to Belgium, it was confirmed last night.
