GIRLY crime was up by more than 50% last year, including a sharp rise in thefts of those darling little Mini Cooper convertibles.

THE government is to use your money to buy your neighbour's house and give it to a gang of junkies, the prime minister announced yesterday.

THE Vatican has admitted intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe but that much of it is under the control of protestant denominations.

LISTENING to any record by Sting while drinking wine will make even the finest vintage taste like rancid tramp's urine, research reveals.

A MIDDLE-aged man has admitted he was surprised to be nominated for the biggest prize in art, stressing he really was just mowing his lawn.

SEX and the City is totally empowering and totally feminist – but in a good way, fans of the show said last night.

WORLD famous explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes is to lead a one-year expedition to discover why the fuck gas prices keep going up.