News
Bond Films To Be Renamed Again
THE producers of the James Bond franchise have warned they may be forced to return to renaming the old films and hoping no-one notices.
Elderly Re-Assert Their Right To Offend
SEVEN out of 10 old people are starting to notice that everyone in the room switches off the second they start talking, according to a new survey.
Lennon's LSD Stash To Be Remastered And Sold For Ten Times Its Street Value
DRUGS belonging to deceased Beatle John Lennon are to be slightly re-vamped and then sold at exorbitant prices to obsessive, middle-aged Beatles fans.
Met Office Finally Blamed
AFTER five days of disciplined self-control Britain finally gave in last night and blamed the Met Office for volcanoes.
Goldman Sachs 'Did Not Have Magic Beans'
MERCHANT bank Goldman Sachs has not been using magic beans to generate its multi-billion dollar profits, it was claimed last night.
Stranded Tourists To Be Fired From A Cannon
THOUSANDS of British tourists stranded in Calais will begin their journey home today by climbing into the end of a giant cannon pointed roughly at Kent.
Britain Now Factoring Volcanoes Into Everyday Life
MILLIONS of people across Britain are today beginning the process of incorporating volcanoes into their everyday lives.
'Here Come The Girls' Leads To New Strain Of Harpie
THE song from the Boots adverts has created an unstoppable strain of demented, screeching harpie, experts claimed last night.
