the dailymash

William to appease Argentina with Nazi uniform

PRINCE William is to ease the growing tension with Argentina by borrowing his brother's SS uniform.

Men thank their mothers for not being Denise Welch

MEN across Britain have forgiven their mothers for everything they have said or done after encountering Denise Welch.

IT professionals deny they would ever help anyone

CLAIMS surrounding James Murdoch's missing emails have prompted IT staff to deny they would ever assist a colleague with anything, ever.

Facebook IPO fails because nobody can find 'Buy' button

THE first public listing of Facebook has failed after users could not find the bit of the website that allows them to buy shares.

Stock exchange bomb plot suggests Al Qaeda now on our side

A PLOT to blow up the London Stock Exchange suggests that Islamic terrorists now want to do us a favour, it has emerged.

Saudi women banned from self-service check-outs

SAUDI women have been banned from using supermarket self check-outs amid fears the female voiced systems could lead to homosexuality and the extinction of virgins.

UK braced for mediocre weather photography

SNOWY weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.

Goodwin loses knighthood for same reasons he got knighthood

THE reasons for Fred Goodwin getting and losing his knighthood could have been separated at birth, it has been confirmed.