News
Carter-Ruck To Sue Everyone
LAW firm Carter-Ruck is to send you a letter telling you to shut it right now or they will have your house.
School Leavers Not Even Clever Enough To Work At Tesco, Says Tesco Boss
BRITAIN'S education system must be in a right old state if school leavers are not even qualified to work at Tesco, the boss of Tesco warned last night.
God Found Earth Among Some Of His Other Stuff, Claims Expert
A NEW interpretation of the Bible suggests that God did not create the Earth, but stumbled upon it while looking for a magazine.
Scientists Discover Tedious, Left-Wing Spider
SCIENTISTS have discovered the world's first Guardian-reading spider and are already bored of its never-ending torrent of opinions about everything.
Al Qaeda To Recruit Fatties
AL Qaeda is expected to focus its recruitment policy on ugly, fat people following the introduction of 'naked' airport scanners, it was claimed last night.
NHS Stands By Decision To Employ Bats
NHS officials have defended their decision to employ thousands of bats at a Scottish hospital.
Russell Brand Is Currently Having Sex With You
RUSSELL Brand is having furtive, unsatisfying sex with you right now, it has emerged.
Come And See Our Hot Lesbians, Says Swindon
SWINDON is a hotbed of unbridled lesbian sex, the town's borough council claimed last night.
