News
Tiresome Feminist Hippies Target Increasingly Pointless Oaf
AN oaf who makes no difference to anything was last night targeted by some hippies with no boyfriends.
Only Way To Save Blackpool Tourism Is To Destroy Rest Of UK, Say Experts
BLACKPOOL'S tourism industry can be saved if the rest of the United Kingdom is reduced to charred, smouldering rubble, it was claimed last night.
Cowell Sends Urchins Back To Workhouse
STREET urchins Diversity are to be returned to the workhouse on half rations after humiliating their master in front of the prime minister.
TUC Backs Workplace Tit Ban
BRITAIN'S trade unions have called for a ban on workplace tits, claiming they are demeaning to women and could block fire exits.
Duuuh, Everyone Tells Jimmy Carter
EVERYONE said 'duuuh' last night after former US president Jimmy Carter accused Barack Obama's critics of racism.
Skank Gene Isolated
TEENAGE girls who have sex before they are old enough to have a library card are a victim of their DNA, it was claimed last night.
Dinner Ladies To Be Installed In All UK Homes
FOUL-tempered old women with massively thick limbs are to be installed in British homes in a government move to limit food wastage.
Guardian Readers Prepare For Dan Brown Sneerathon
GUARDIAN readers are gathering in North London this weekend for the first Dan Brown charity sneerathon since 2003.
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- Latest Bin Laden Tape Reveals Prog-Rock Direction
- French Vindicated By Manky Shower Study
- Product Placement Demeans Pepsi All Of Us Vodafone, Say Experts
- How He Did It: The Secret Behind Derren Brown's Bullshit Explanation
