CHURCH of England vicars will bless gay couples as long as they are allowed to quote Bible passages about them being abominations who must be put to death.
THE closure of the BBC's 6 Music has enraged thousands of people who insist it is the sort of thing they would probably have liked if they had ever got round to listening to it.
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CHINESE novelist Zhou Shaomou has sensationally claimed that James Cameron's Avatar has a plot.
SCOTTISH and Southern Energy has made the bold move of cutting its prices to coincide with it getting lighter and warmer of an evening. 
GORDON Brown last night added the size of chip shop chips to his list of things to dick about with.
AS prices drop to just £2 per line, cocaine has topped a consumer poll as Britain's best-value street drug.
SOUTH African president Jacob Zuma arrived in London last night on the first leg of his bid to buy Cheryl Cole.