TONY Blair has backed Colonel Gaddafi's call for the annihilation of everyone in Switzerland.

GEORGE Clooney's decision to sell his lakefront Italian villa is like the death of a close friend, men said last night.

IMMIGRANT workers have demanded government action after discovering Daily Mail journalists are receiving large salaries for the things they write.

BRITAIN'S internet heritage could be lost forever unless experts are able to archive websites such as hotsurreybitches and oglemysnatch.co.uk.

A SCOTTISH t-shirt expressing dislike of the England football team could cause morons to say things, experts have warned.

CHERYL Cole last night unveiled plans for a lavish and vulgar divorce involving lots of matching suits and a really big smoked salmon.

THE Royal Family are preparing to return to their home planet near Sirius, according to the Queen's astronomer.