NATURALISTS have warned that there are less than 50 Susan Boyles left in the Scottish rainforests, as they continue to be hunted for their prized vocal cords.

NEW shiny thing make everything all better, say clever science man yesterday.

POPE John Paul II must have spent a huge amount of time masturbating in his bedroom, according to a new book.

FRANCE has pledged to ban Spiderman unless he reveals his secret identity, it emerged last night.

THE government is to lift 300,000 London children out of severe poverty by staging the world's biggest production of Oliver!.

FORMER pop sensations Hear'say have reunited to dish out brutal street-style justice to Britain's hardest thugs.

BRITAIN emerged from recession today as the economy grew by 15p.