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FIRST APPRENTICE TO SELL AN EMAILER WINS, SAYS SUGAR

THE first contestant who manages to sell an Amstrad Emailer will win The Apprentice, Sir Alan Sugar said last night.

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BIG BROTHER UNVEILS ALL-VEGETABLE HOUSE

THE producers of Big Brother have once again resisted calls to introduce humans into the house, sticking with the all-vegetable format for the ninth year in a row.

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ANN SUMMERS MOVES UPMARKET WITH CROTCHLESS EVENING GOWN

ANN Summers is moving upmarket with a new range aimed at the middle classes, including a stunning open-crotch evening gown.

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Opinion

GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER

THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck.

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