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NEW SERIES OF STRICTLY COME DANCING TO BE FILMED AT BOTTOM OF BARREL

THE new series of Strictly Come Dancing is to be recorded at the bottom of a large barrel, the BBC confirmed last night.
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I'M SORRY DAVE, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, SAYS INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION

THE International Space Station has gone crazy and all the astronauts are in mortal danger, NASA confirmed last night.
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A PLATE OF CANCER PLEASE, SAYS BRITAIN

BRITAIN sat down this morning and ordered itself a huge plate of fried cancer with mushrooms and baked beans. 
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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Dispatches from Poppy Spalding

MONDAY: BANGKOK

LAST week, I had meant to go to Cambodia to further my investigations into Gary Glitter, but reconsidered after reading on My Space that DJ Rico was playing practically a stone’s throw from my hostel in Hanoi this weekend: Saturday night at the Lotus in Bangkok.  Coincidence? I think not.
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