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SMOKERS URGE GATES TO PRODUCE SOFTWARE THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKS

SMOKERS have urged Bill Gates to produce a range of software that doesn't have them reaching for a cigarette every time it crashes.
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BRITAIN LOOKS TO NEXT GENERATION OF INSURANCE FRAUDSTERS

BRITAIN was last night pinning its hopes on the next generation of fraudsters, after the latest failure to con a large financial institution with a fake death scam.
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WIDOWER LEAVES FORTUNE TO PERT, YOUNG WATERMELON

A 75 year-old widower from Suffolk is believed to be the first man in the UK to leave his entire estate to a watermelon.
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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Dispatches from Poppy Spalding

MONDAY: BANGKOK

LAST week, I had meant to go to Cambodia to further my investigations into Gary Glitter, but reconsidered after reading on My Space that DJ Rico was playing practically a stone’s throw from my hostel in Hanoi this weekend: Saturday night at the Lotus in Bangkok.  Coincidence? I think not.
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