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'VE VILL SHOOT ZEM ONLY ONCE'

GERMAN television is to show the wartime sitcom Allo, Allo with its raft of comedy catchphrases including: "I will say zis only once: round up all ze men in the village, and machine gun zem into a ditch."
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LISA MARIE PRESLEY EXPECTING BIG, FAT BABY

SINGER'S daughter Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant with an incredibly fat baby, she revealed last night. 
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RAF TO BOMB PETERBOROUGH BACK TO STONE AGE

PETERBOROUGH was today bracing itself for wave after wave of devastating raids by low-flying Tornado fighter-bombers.
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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Dispatches from Poppy Spalding

MONDAY: BANGKOK

LAST week, I had meant to go to Cambodia to further my investigations into Gary Glitter, but reconsidered after reading on My Space that DJ Rico was playing practically a stone’s throw from my hostel in Hanoi this weekend: Saturday night at the Lotus in Bangkok.  Coincidence? I think not.
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