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PAISLEY QUITS TO SPEND MORE TIME HECKLING THE POPE

IAN Paisley is to resign as Northern Ireland's first minister so he can devote more time to shouting abuse at the Pope.
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HITLER'S ASTROLOGER FORECAST GOOD NEWS ON PART-TIME JOB

HITLER'S astrologer told the Nazi leader to expect good news about a part-time job or an unexpected cash gift from a family member, according to files just released by the National Archive. 
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HOOVER SEX CLEANER DITCHED BY POLISH VACUUM

THE Polish vacuum cleaner whose boyfriend was caught having sex with a Henry Hoover has spoken of her shame and disgust at his gay love antics. 
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Opinion

MY BIG GAP YEAR

Dispatches from Poppy Spalding

MONDAY: BANGKOK

LAST week, I had meant to go to Cambodia to further my investigations into Gary Glitter, but reconsidered after reading on My Space that DJ Rico was playing practically a stone’s throw from my hostel in Hanoi this weekend: Saturday night at the Lotus in Bangkok.  Coincidence? I think not.
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