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QUEEN SPENDING 'A SHITLOAD' OF MONEY, ACCORDING TO NEW REPORT

SPENDING by the Royal Household has increased from a serious wedge to a shitload, according to official accounts.
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APPLE FORCED TO RECALL iPHONE AFTER TOASTER FAULT

APPLE has been forced into an embarrassing recall of the entire first batch of its long awaited iPhone after users reported problems with its on-board toaster. 
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GREEDY WOMEN TO SING OLD SONGS

THE Spice Girls are re-uniting to take their glittering “Avarice” show on tour citing a deep love of money as the driving force that brought them back together.
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Opinion

'I WAS THERE'

Christopher Walken remembers the 1982 World Snooker Championships

DIDDLY-dee! diddily-dee! That’s the sound the wheels on a train make – diddly-dee! diddly-dee! I hate that noise, I hate it almost as much as I do Adam Sandler movies, so I pulled the emergency chord above my head, bringing the 12.57 from King’s Cross to Sheffield, shuddering to a halt.
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