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THE Bank of England is to give a brand new £5 note to each reader of The Daily Mash as part of its drive to stem the growing shortage of fivers in circulation. 
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BAGGINS FAMILY PANS 'LORD OF THE RINGS' MUSICAL

THE great nephew of Frodo Baggins has attacked the Lord of the Rings musical for 'playing fast and loose' with historical accuracy.
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BLAIRS MEET BENEDICT XVI
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Opinion

'I WAS THERE'

Christopher Walken remembers the 1982 World Snooker Championships

DIDDLY-dee! diddily-dee! That’s the sound the wheels on a train make – diddly-dee! diddly-dee! I hate that noise, I hate it almost as much as I do Adam Sandler movies, so I pulled the emergency chord above my head, bringing the 12.57 from King’s Cross to Sheffield, shuddering to a halt.
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