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GOVERNMENT TO TACKLE BINGE-W*NKING

THE legal age for masturbation is to be raised to 18 as part of a series of measures aimed at tackling binge-wanking among teenage boys.

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CLIMATE CHANGE LINK TO GINGERS

THE first clear link between ginger hair and climate change has been established by scientists at Dundee University.

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MINISTER TELLS MIDDLE CLASSES: BUY A BONG

MIDDLE class people looking to get "off their tits" should give up wine and smoke drugs "like everyone else", health minister Caroline Flint said last night. 

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Opinion

GUEST BLOG: NOEL GALLAGHER

THE Olympics - what the fuck was that all about? Every morning, right, that Scottish bird off the telly would sit on a sofa telling us that we'd won a bronze medal in the women’s catapult and that everyone could now go to work with a big smile on their face - in retrospect I think she somehow mistook me for somebody who gives a fuck.

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