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JOHNSON PLEDGES EXTRA TUCK AND CRACKDOWN ON BUGGERY

EVERY Londoner is to receive extra tuck before evensong and be given vouchers to opt out of buggery, the city's new mayor has pledged.

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EVERYONE NOW HAS GREAT HAIR

EVERYONE'S hair is now shiny, manageable and full of body, the United Nations has confirmed.

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LESBIANS TO ESTABLISH REPUBLIC OF LESBIA

THE world's 800 million lesbians are to club together and set up their own country.

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Opinion

ONE WOMAN'S WEEK: FIGHTING THE FAT

By Karen Fenessey

I really believe it’s a wonderful thing that I can look around our British streets and see so many different walks of life being not only tolerated, but encouraged. The whites walk alongside the blacks, the rich with the poor, and the gays with the normal.

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