News

Theresa May emails EU citizens with chores rota

THE prime minister has emailed 100,000 EU citizens in the UK telling them they can remain in our country if they pitch in with chores.

Everyone who reviewed product online was talking bollocks

NONE of the 37 people who reviewed a laptop online had the first idea what they were talking about, a man has discovered.

Cat gets disappointing reception at house where he used to live

A CAT visited the house where he used to live only to be met with hostility.

Cash machine expects pat on the back for not charging you

A CITY centre cash machine is expecting gratitude and thanks for not charging users £1.50 a time to take out their own money.

Britain gets up, opens curtains to pitch blackness, and knows summer was just a dream

THE UK has awoken, opened the curtains to windows that are nothing but rectangles of darkness, and realised that summer was just a silly dream.

Puppy going to f**k you up

A NEW puppy is absolutely not play-fighting, it has been revealed.

Man's mates confused by claim he has married his 'best friend'

A MAN’S actual mates have been left confused after he said his new wife is his best friend.  

Ed Sheeran's arm breaks itself

ED SHEERAN'S right arm has broken itself in a desperate attempt to save the world from his music.