Haircut turns weird after customer says he doesn't care about football

A HAIRCUT turned weird and awkward after a barber and a customer failed to have a discussion about football.

Man asked to taste the wine bullshits his way through it magnificently

A MAN who was asked to taste the wine in a restaurant has managed to bullshit his way through it with great success.

Computers confirmed as a lot of bollocks

COMPUTERS are a pointless load of bollocks, it has been confirmed.

Londoner convincing himself phone-stealing moped gangs are cool

A LONDONER is desperately attempting to believe that thieves on mopeds stealing your phone were what he moved to the capital for.

In case you were wondering, I’m not a f**king pacifist either, May tells Britain

THERESA May has assured Britain that she is absolutely, definitely not a pacifist.

Eurovision Song Contest 'will justify hard Brexit'

BRITAIN’S performance in tomorrow’s Eurovision Song Contest will justify a hard Brexit, it has been claimed.

'Confident' people actually just a bit pissed

THE only way to be charming and self-assured is to be a little bit drunk the whole time, it has been confirmed.

Voter who liked Labour policy slapping himself around the face

A VOTER who thought a policy in Labour’s manifesto sounded ‘attractive’ is slapping his own face repeatedly and telling himself to ‘wake up’.