Woman likes everyone except other women

AN EASYGOING woman has confirmed she likes everyone except other women of roughly the same age.

Whole table living in fear of which wine rich friend going to order

A RESTAURANT table of ten is terrified about which wine their rich friend is planning to order.

Waitrose shopper kicks off over lack of artisan crispbreads

A WAITROSE shopper kicked right off because the supermarket ran out of her favourite Peter's Yard Artisan Crispbreads.

Corbyn supporter unveils plan to get over himself

A CORBYN fan has announced plans to get over how amazingly right he was within the next 18 months.

Single mum excited that austerity over and good times now rolling

A SINGLE mother is celebrating the end of austerity and is excited for the fun times ahead.

Milk in shops comes from cows' tits

THE milk we buy in supermarkets is straight from the tits of a cow, it has been claimed.

Latitude festival to introduce coffee testing

BOUTIQUE festival Latitude will allow attendees to test their coffee for purity and bean quality, it has confirmed.

They Live reclassified as a documentary 

THE John Carpenter film They Live is a documentary, it has been confirmed.