News

No need to wash your hands if it's only a piss, agrees Britain

BRITAIN has agreed that if it is just a piss then washing your hands is not a big deal.

Woman hopes to be remembered for perfect middle-class lifestyle

A WOMAN who has an enviable figure, an Audi Q5 and a walk-in wardrobe is hoping her legacy will live on.

Diets put on hold until this World War 3 thing is figured out

THE looming threat of World War III has led to millions of diets being put on hold.

Student to do three years of work in next ten weeks

A STUDENT has announced that she will be spending the next two-and-a-half months completing three full years of work, as planned.

Couple experience MDMA-type high after friends cancel at last minute

A COUPLE whose dinner guests cancelled at the last minute experienced the kind of euphoria normally only achieved with recreational drugs.

Record number of British people pretending they're not British

A RECORD number of embarrassed British people are pretending to be foreign.

It will never be cold again, agrees Britain

THE UK has agreed that today’s mild sunshine means summer has arrived and it will never be cold again. 

Man 'wins argument' by pointing out tiny mispronunciation in girlfriend’s sentence

A MAN has thoroughly proved his point by abandoning his argument and highlighting a small error in his girlfriend's pronunciation.