FILM researchers have discovered that The Goonies is actually dreadful.
BRITAIN'S millions of internet addicts could be weaned onto less damaging drugs like LSD and ecstasy.
PARENTS have told children who misbehave that they will have to answer to Eddie Mair.
THE Duchess of Cambridge gets through tedious public engagements with a cocktail of illegal drugs, it has emerged.
EMERGENCY calls are going unanswered as hipsters pressure the NHS to decommission ambulances for their art projects.
THERE is nothing gay about gently washing another man's feet and then giving them a kiss, the Pope has confirmed.
THE dregs of Britain's Olympic spirit are to be kept alive in a rat.