News

Royal family’s benefits withdrawn

THE Royal family has had its benefits sanctioned after Prince Harry admitted none of them wants the top job.

Business bullshit ‘vital’ for people who are bad at everything else

POMPOUS business bullshit is vital for maintaining the self-esteem of people who are crap at everything else, research has found.

Man wakes up on sofa with bag of sweetcorn on head

A MAN has awoken on his sofa with the front and back doors propped open and a formerly frozen bag of sweetcorn on his head.

Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse revealed as 'Stupidity'

WAR, Famine, Pestilence and Death have a fifth companion known as Stupidity, experts have discovered.

England assumed everyone in Scotland was working class

ENGLAND has been surprised to learn that not everyone in Scotland is a foul-mouthed manual worker on the minimum wage.

UK would back full communism if it provided air conditioning

THE UK would embrace common ownership of the means of production if it meant decent air-conditioning.

Davis emerges without trousers

DAVID Davis was forced to surrender his trousers during the first day of Brexit talks, it has been confirmed.

Britain doing shit it would never do if it wasn't hot

BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.