THE Queen last night gave in to demands to offer her opinion on the work of the Poet Laureate, telling him it was 'third-rate bollocks'.
BRITAIN has thrown open its doors to the next generation of belly dancing hovercraft pilots who know how to train a horse.
DUBSTEP pioneer Burial shocked the music world last night as he announced he was abandoning the genre that made his name for the rival style of Bumfunking.
THE greatest experiment in the history of physics will begin this morning, followed shortly after by your horrifyingly painful death.
POP sensation Britney Spears will soon begin a fresh descent into chaos and substance abuse as experts confirmed her celebrity cycle had completed its first full revolution.
RUBBING your groin and inner thigh while staring at women makes you more sexually attractive, according to a new study.
COMPUTER problems have forced the London Stock Exchange to reopen its famous shouting pits.
AMERICA became the world's largest council estate last night after the US government bought all the houses.