News
All Right - It's Shit, Queen Tells Top Poet
THE Queen last night gave in to demands to offer her opinion on the work of the Poet Laureate, telling him it was 'third-rate bollocks'.
Britain To Welcome Belly Dancing Hovercraft Pilots
BRITAIN has thrown open its doors to the next generation of belly dancing hovercraft pilots who know how to train a horse.
Dubstep Old Hat As Fans Embrace Bumfunking
DUBSTEP pioneer Burial shocked the music world last night as he announced he was abandoning the genre that made his name for the rival style of Bumfunking.
Everyone Dead By Teatime
THE greatest experiment in the history of physics will begin this morning, followed shortly after by your horrifyingly painful death.
Cycle Of Britney Begins Again
POP sensation Britney Spears will soon begin a fresh descent into chaos and substance abuse as experts confirmed her celebrity cycle had completed its first full revolution.
Rubbing Groin And Staring Boosts Sex Appeal
RUBBING your groin and inner thigh while staring at women makes you more sexually attractive, according to a new study.
Stock Exchange Reopens Shouting Pits
COMPUTER problems have forced the London Stock Exchange to reopen its famous shouting pits.
US Becomes World's Biggest Council Estate
AMERICA became the world's largest council estate last night after the US government bought all the houses.