Doorway voted number one place to stand by toddlers

THE doorway is the best place to stand so that you block everyone's exit, according to toddlers.

Woman makes three-course meal from crumbs found in bra

A WOMAN has managed to create a lavish dinner comprised entirely of the food remnants collected in her bra during the day.

The seven places you’ll hate to take the kids this weekend

THE weekend’s here, and if you don’t get the kids out of the house then you’ll end up strangling at least one of them.

I invented read receipts, confirms Satan

SATAN has confirmed that he is solely responsible for the invention of instant message read receipts.

Winter enters 18th fucking month

WINTER has entered its 18th consecutive fucking month, the Met Office has confirmed.

Are you drunk in the office?

ARE you just having a bit of a relaxed morning in the office, or have you inadvertently rolled into work blind drunk? Take our quiz to find out.

Couple who spent all day cleaning dishonestly apologise for mess

A COUPLE who spent all day cleaning their house have pretended they think it’s like a pig sty.

Man beats capitalism by adding smoothie to Boots Meal Deal

A MAN has taken down capitalism by adding an expensive smoothie to his Boots Meal Deal, it has been confirmed.