News

Man who insists London is best city in world mainly just sits around in his pants eating toast

A PROUD London resident who passionately argues his home city is better than Paris or New York spends all weekend watching television and eating toast.

People with lots of social media 'likes' really are much better than everyone else, confirm experts

PEOPLE who receive high numbers of likes on social media are provably better than those who do not, a study has confirmed.

Once-a-year drinkers to be mentored by seasoned piss artists

CHRISTMAS drinkers struggling to handle their alcohol intake are to be mentored by proper booze hounds.

A guide to Bitcoin: The amazing investment based on dream gold invented by a wizard

A FAT man lounging in an Essex hot tub has made enough money from bitcoin in the last three weeks to retire. Now it’s your turn.

Woman who pulled sickie spends glorious day indoors feeling guilty

A WOMAN who called in sick to work because she ‘deserved some time for herself’ has spent her day hiding behind drawn curtains like a fugitive.

Mum praises kids for decorating tree while thinking 'what a f**king mess'

A WOMAN is inwardly seething over the colossal disaster her children have made of decorating the Christmas tree.

Everyone in office talking about cake, thinking about cake or eating cake

EVERY member of staff in an office appears to be dangerously obsessed with cakes, a new employee has claimed.

Brexit put on hold as everyone realises borders only exist in our minds

PLANS for Brexit have been put on hold after everyone involved realised that borders are a meaningless concept that exists only in our minds.