News

Notice I'm not flying to you, says Juncker

EU CHIEF Jean-Claude Juncker has highlighted that Theresa May is flying to Brussels to rescue Brexit talks, not the other way around.

Man meeting new girlfriend's mates unaware of how much they already know about him

A MAN meeting his new girlfriend’s mates for the first time is unaware of the extensive knowledge they already have about him.

Doctors' surgeries to become terrifying sex clubs, say old people

PLANS to ask patients about their sexuality mean doctors’ surgeries will become debauched sex clubs full of perverts, old people believe.

Northerner likes coffee

A NORTHERN man has shocked colleagues by expressing a preference for fancy coffee over a large mug of very strong tea.

James Corden apologises for his personality

CHAT show host James Corden has confirmed that he is ‘truly sorry’ about his personality.

‘Self-soothing’ is bollocks, says baby

A BABY girl has confirmed that 'self-soothing' as a way to get her to settle at night is a load of  bollocks.

Waitrose shoppers 'thrilled' to have excuse to go to Poundland

WAITROSE devotees going to Poundland to 'get rid of their old pound coins' have declared themselves to be 'utterly thrilled'.

Insanity is ‘refreshing Netflix again and again and expecting different results’, said Einstein

REPEATEDLY refreshing Netflix and expecting new and different content to appear is the definition of insanity, according to a newly discovered Einstein quote.