News

Hunt uses same plumber who installed NHS IT system

JEREMY Hunt has paid £44,000 for a shower room in his office after employing the same plumber who installed the NHS computer system.

‘Sharting’ to be renamed ‘Faraging’

'SHARTING' is to be renamed 'Faraging' in honour of the former UKIP leader, it has been confirmed.

I like people who shout ‘Hail Trump’, confirms Trump

DONALD Trump has clarified his position on violent white supremacists by confirming that he really likes being 'hailed'.

Old guy who is always in pub still not saying hello

AN old man who has been drinking in the same pub for years still refuses to say hello to fellow patrons, it has been confirmed.

Google returns no search results for 'sexism' and 'tax'

TECH giant Google has decided that sexism and tax no longer exist, it has emerged.

Pretentious couple convinced they are turning Scandinavian

A COUPLE with vague socialist ideas and a fondness for gloomy crime dramas think they are actually becoming Swedish.

Men claiming to have attended disastrous music festivals to impress girls

THE best way to impress girls is to claim to have survived one of Britain’s many completely disastrous music festivals, men believe.

Banknotes to be kept delicious

THE Bank of England has vowed that £5 and £10 notes will continue to be the animal fat-packed extra-crispy flavourful savoury treats that Britain loves.