News

Idiotic multi-billionaire assumes Tories care about foreigners

AN idiotic American billionaire has assumed the Tories care about the fate of people in the developing world.

Man deeply disillusioned with state of world may just be hungry

A 27-YEAR-OLD man is either in profound despair over the chaos, injustice and insanity of the world today, or just hungry.

£70k a year nothing, factory workers agree

A GROUP of Burnley factory workers have agreed that nobody on £70,000 a year can really be considered ‘rich’.

May rules out TV debate because her voters only like the wireless

THERESA May has ruled out a TV debate because the voters she wants to reach have the wireless on with their cup of tea.

Young voters urged to make inane, idiotic voices heard

VOTERS aged 18 to 24 have been told to make sure to cast their moronic, misguided votes in the general election.

Crime drama just f**king you about now

A TV crime drama that started off promisingly is now just f**king with viewers for kicks, it has emerged.

May confident Britain’s rabid, insane press will never turn on her

THE prime minister remains secure in her belief that Britain’s frothing, maniacal tabloids will always be on her side, no matter what.

Snap election 'suggests the shit will have really hit the fan by 2020'

POLITICAL experts believe the timing of the snap election proves that the shit will have seriously hit the fan by May 2020.