News

Survive five years in this twat factory and you're in for life, EU citizens told

EU CITIZENS have been told if they can manage five consecutive years in the twat factory that is Britain, they can stay for life.

Britain in record breaking four-day summer

AS SUMMER in Britain comes to an end, experts confirmed the four days of consecutive sunshine was a new record.

Glastonbury coverage welcomed by Britain's top letches

OLD men who dislike pop music but enjoy lusting after young women have welcomed blanket coverage of Glastonbury.

Parenting 'a doddle', confirms aunt who has been babysitting for half an hour

CHILDREN are a lot easier to look after than everyone makes out, according to an aunt who has completed a trouble-free 30 minutes.

Davis tells room full of people who can speak German that they'd all be speaking German if it wasn't for us


DAVID Davis has told a room full of people who can speak German that if it was not for Britain they would all be speaking German.

Middle class ‘Day of Rage’ focused on poor quality of supermarket tomatoes

MIDDLE class people have spent a ‘Day of Rage’ protesting about IKEA, supermarket tomatoes and the quality of their workplace coffee.

Royal family’s benefits withdrawn

THE Royal family has had its benefits sanctioned after Prince Harry admitted none of them wants the top job.

Business bullshit ‘vital’ for people who are bad at everything else

POMPOUS business bullshit is vital for maintaining the self-esteem of people who are crap at everything else, research has found.