News

Security guard has seen every Steven Seagal film

A SUPERMARKET security guard has seen every single Steven Seagal film and many twice.

Girlfriends announce plan to have some of your chips

THE nation’s girlfriends have announced that they do not want any chips, but they will have some of yours.

Atheist who blocked friend’s toilet resorts to prayer

A COMMITTED atheist who has blocked his friend’s toilet has called upon the mercy of the Lord, he has admitted.

Prince Andrew opens his f**king mouth

PRINCE Andrew has only gone and opened his fucking mouth about Brexit, the disgusted business community has confirmed.

‘Glowing’ pregnant woman feels like hell on earth

A PREGNANT woman complimented for her healthy glow is actually sweating cobs and exhausted, she has confirmed.

Brexit talks to go ahead without us

MONDAY’S talks with the EU will go ahead without British involvement because what could be more Brexit, the government has confirmed.

Scientists discover soft Southern caveman

RESEARCHERS have found the fossilised remains of a Southern caveman who lived in a fancy cave eating dinosaur sushi.

Dads warn against getting them any DVD with Ben Affleck in it

FATHERS have warned family members not to buy them any film that involves Ben Affleck.