News

Female friend of gay man secretly believes he will one day turn straight

THE longtime female friend of an out and proud gay man secretly believes he will one day become straight, she has revealed.

Women forced to attend thermostat awareness course

WOMEN across the UK are being forced to attend a one-day thermostat awareness course to learn how they work.

Obese children less of a problem than the twats moaning about them

CHILDHOOD obesity is not as serious an issue as all the knobheads droning about how it proves Britain has gone to the dogs, experts believe.

Grey-haired dead-eyed morning Wetherspoons drinker only 28

A HUNCHED, shuffling red-nosed man sitting alone in Wetherspoons at 9.45am staring at a half-drunk pint is under 30, it has emerged.

Woman reads latest Weinstein story, rolls eyes, gets on with job

A WOMAN has rolled her eyes at the latest Harvey Weinstein revelations and then got on with doing her job, it has been confirmed.

Trump state visit downgraded to top-and-tailing with Nigel Farage

PRESIDENT Trump’s visit to the UK has been downgraded from being an offical guest of the Queen to sharing a bed at Nigel Farage’s place, it has been confirmed.

Naive woman grateful for invitation to hen weekend in Dublin

A WOMAN is understood to be 'really excited' about an upcoming hen weekend she believes will be 'a lot of fun'.

Runny eggs no longer dangerous but still utterly disgusting

BRITONS are not at risk of salmonella from eating runny eggs though they will still sicken anyone forced to watch, a watchdog has confirmed.