News

Man personally offended by friend’s small TV

A MAN is absolutely outraged at the pathetic size and technological backwardness of his friend’s television.

Ironic moustaches defeated by deadly serious moustaches

MEN are no longer growing Movember moustaches for charity because they all have entirely serious moustaches already.

Colleague with ‘Friday feeling’ advised everyone gets hammered on Thursdays now

AN office worker excited about her Friday bottle of wine has been tactfully informed that everyone else already got wrecked the day before.

John Lewis monster ate five children during filming

THE John Lewis monster devoured five child actors during the filming of the store’s Christmas advert, a behind-the-scenes special revealed.

Poppies must be visible from every angle, say Poppy Police

REMEMBRANCE Day poppies must be worn to be visible from any angle to avoid disrespecting the fallen, the Poppy Police have confirmed.

Single woman imagines married friends give a shit about her love life

A SINGLE woman is convinced her coupled-up friends cannot wait to hear the latest instalment of the crazy rollercoaster that is her love life.

Potato struggling with body confidence

A POTATO is feeling self-conscious of its weight and body shape compared to svelte vegetables like carrots and green beans.

Mary Portas seen giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to jewellery shop

MARY Portas has been filmed desperately attempting to resuscitate a dying branch of Warren James jewellers in Margate high street.