News

Bus company announces plan to do its job properly

A BUS company has unveiled a radical new approach that involves buses running vaguely on time.

Successful team building weekend focuses on how much everyone hates company

A TEAM-BUILDING weekend has succeeded because it focused on workers’ shared loathing of their employer.

Blair explains how he'd have done Star Wars differently

TONY Blair has described in detail what Star Wars should have been like, despite no one asking for his opinion.

Cracker-eating woman asked to leave bed

A MAN has asked a woman to leave his bed after she started eating crackers in it.

Men to finally be told what a 'pumpkin spice latte' is

IN a major concession, women have finally agreed to tell men what a 'pumpkin spice latte' actually is.

Former raver can no longer handle Red Bull

A MIDDLE-AGED former raver can no longer cope with the physical and psychological effects of a can of Red Bull, he has admitted.

Daily Mirror to buy the irrational fears of Britain’s elderly racists

THE owners of the Daily Mirror have offered to buy the paranoid nightmares of Britain’s racist pensioners.

Junior doctor accompanied by 12 medical students tells patient to 'relax'

A PATIENT surrounded by a junior doctor and a crowd of eager young medical students has been told to 'just relax'.