News

Oh f**k, it's wedding season, man realises

A MAN has realised it is June shortly followed by July which means he will have to go to loads of fucking weddings.

We did it for the moaning reactionary gits, say D-Day veterans

BRITISH soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy for people who like to have a good moan about teenagers and modern life in general, they have confirmed.

Man who claims to be a Luddite actually more of a gobshite

A MAN who claims to be 'a bit of a Luddite' is actually more a gobshite, it has emerged.

For sale: News channel, never watched

BUYER WANTED for 29-year-old TV news channel, never watched, pristine condition.

We go to the Maldives and the children go to Pontins, says Kirstie Allsopp

KIRSTIE Allsopp has explained that she and her husband regularly fly to the Maldives while her children go to Pontins in Prestatyn.

Woman boycotting Lush because of hideous smell rather than anti-police campaign

THE most offensive thing about Lush is getting an instant scent-induced migraine as soon as you step through the door, it has been claimed.

Jamie Oliver calls for ban on eating

JAMIE Oliver plans to combat obesity by banning people from eating food.

Summer half-term 'a taste of true horror to come'

THE summer half-term break has provided parents with an insight into the horror show of looking after their children for a full six weeks.