Talentless arse from school now hugely successful thanks to property

A COMPLETE twat from school is extremely wealthy thanks to the property market despite never having been good at anything.

Young people should be forced to attend raves, say 40-somethings

BRITAIN’S 40-somethings have called for a form of National Service which would require young people to attend at least 10 raves per year.

The Mash guide to the lying bastards in the Trump administration

THEY’RE lying, they’re bad at it and one in three of them will serve prison time. But who are the people spinning the Trump administration’s web of fiction?

Woman choosing personal, meaningful tattoo from tattooists’ wall

A WOMAN is choosing a tattoo design that is deeply meaningful on a personal level from the ones pinned up on the wall of the tattooists.

Brexiter can’t wait to queue for four hours with proper British passport

A BREXIT voter has announced that the day he can queue for four hours while clutching a proper British passport will be proudest moment of his life.

Best part of holiday is looking in estate agents’ windows

UK holidaymakers have confirmed that looking in estate agents’ windows to see what they could afford in the area is the highlight of every trip.

Nastiest men on Tinder identifiable by use of phrase ‘nice guy’

THE worst men on Tinder can be easily identified with the use of a simple two word phrase in their profile, sociologists have revealed.

Delighted Philip tells public to ‘f**k off out of it’ one last time

PRINCE Philip has completed his last public engagement, locked the gates of Buckingham Palace and told crowds to ‘fuck off out of it’ for the last time.