News

Woman who 'loves hoovering' will never be able to hoover away her terrible secret

A WOMAN who claims she ‘loves hoovering’ is trying to erase something deeply sinister from her past, her husband suspects.

'Funny' friend in group actually just very loud

The 'funniest' one in a group of friends is actually just being much louder than everyone else, it has been confirmed.

Imagine watching that interview, but the British f**kwit is your prime minister, say Americans

AMERICANS have asked Britons to watch the Morgan-Trump interview again, but this time imagine the British idiot is now leading their country.

I have been invited to sing at royal wedding, says Trump

DONALD Trump has announced that Harry and Meghan have asked him to perform a medley of lounge classics at their upcoming nuptials.

Northern cafes compete over most disgusting sounding breakfast

LOCAL cafes in the North of England are competing over who has the most revolting sounding breakfast.

Woman realises her entire romantic life has been making herself laugh in front of boring men

A WOMAN has realised her entire love life has just been her enjoying her own company in front of a succession of tedious men.

End of January brought forward to tonight, drinkers confirm

PARTICIPANTS in Dry January have confirmed that the end of the month has been moved forward from next week until 5pm tonight.

Woman sure that drunkenly trimming her own fringe will end well

A WOMAN has made the drunken decision that she can trim her own fringe just as well as any fancy hairdresser.