Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong With Gigantic New Bank

HBOS and Lloyds TSB last night created a monstrous new banking entity safe in the knowledge that nothing can possibly go wrong.

Stars Shine At London Gay Bullshit Week

THEY are calling it the most glamorous and successful London Gay Bullshit Week in years.

Everyone Making Everything Worse, All The Time

EVERYONE needs to shut it right now because they are making everything worse, according to a new report.

Shares In You Plunge 82 Per Cent

SHARES in you plunged 82 per cent yesterday leaving you vulnerable to a takeover from some dirty Spanish bastard. 

Lehman Execs To Lead Slightly Less Opulent Lifestyles

EXECUTIVES at Lehman Brothers could be forced to manually adjust the seating temperature in their Mercedes, it was claimed last night.

Internet Inventor Misses Point Of Internet

THE inventor of the internet last night dramatically revealed he had completely missed the point of the internet.

Masters Of Universe File For Bankruptcy

THE masters of the universe were last night forced to relinquish control of their infinite creation and put all their personal items in a cardboard box.

Taxi Driver Brains Have Inbuilt Capacity To Bore You Shitless

THE brains of taxi drivers have an inbuilt natural ability to bore the shit out of you, according to new research.