News

Mona Lisa Was Eating A Sausage

LEONARDO da Vinci’s Mona Lisa was eating a sausage, a new digital scan of the famous painting has revealed.

Terminator Was So Gay, Reveals Schwarzenegger

THE indestructible robot assassin from the future, portrayed by Arnold Schwarzenegger, was tormented by his sexuality and the lost love of his youth, it has been revealed.

Scientists Are Arrogant Pricks, Claim Africans

LEADING Africans provoked outrage last night by claiming that Western scientists showed a natural predisposition towards being pricks.

British Dinner Parties On Brink Of Collapse, Says IMF

THE International Monetary Fund last night issued its starkest warning yet that British dinner parties were vastly overvalued and on the brink of a devastating collapse.

Getting Drunk And Urinating On Your Boss's Desk Is Not Your Fault, Say Experts

PEOPLE who get drunk and then empty their bladder on and around their boss's workspace are the victims of 21st century society, a major study has revealed.

Britain Hit By Obscenity Epidemic

BRITAIN is in the middle of an obscenity epidemic with most people expected to be foul-mouthed ‘fuckers’ by 2050, according to latest government estimates. 

Pub Lunches Cost £20 But Still Taste Of Dung And Sweat, Says Report

THE cost of the traditional British pub lunch has soared to £20 even though the basic ingredients of cow pats and chef sweat have remained the same, a major industry survey has revealed.

Most BBC News Now About The BBC

THE majority of the news output from the BBC is now about the BBC, according to a new BBC report.