News

Snail Price Rise Forces French To Eat Own Bogies

A SHARP rise in the price of snails is forcing millions of hard-up Frenchmen to eat their own bogies. 

Blood-Soaked Revolution To Start At Noon

BRITAIN'S long-awaited bloody revolution will begin at noon today, after MPs voted to keep their £24,000 second home allowance.

Britain Absolutely Cannot Wait To See 'Mamma Mia'

BRITAIN was absolutely bursting with excitement last night at the prospect of going to see Mamma Mia this weekend.

Bearded Lady Gives Birth

CIRCUSES across the world were celebrating last night after a bearded lady give birth to a baby girl.

Transport And General Workers Union To Merge With Mafia

A NEW chapter has been written in the 86-year history of the Transport and General Workers Union after it agreed a merger with the New York Mafia.

British Kids Use Rubik’s Cube As Deadly Weapon

THE Rubik's Cube is making a comeback this year as thousands of British children adapt it into a handy killing machine. 

William Seizes Cocaine Bound For Fulham Road

PRINCE William is facing a ban from some of his favourite Fulham Road nightclubs after his Royal Navy ship seized £40m worth of cocaine.

This Country's In A Right Bloody Mess, Says Cherie

BRITAIN is an awful place full of violence and corruption, and those responsible should be ashamed of themselves, the wife of former prime minister Tony Blair said yesterday.