FACEBOOK has begged users to behave like vaguely normal human beings.
THE government has told parents that if they really cared about their children's education they would found their own free school.
A MAN who spends a lot of time in a cool cafe is desperate to become friends with its staff, it has emerged.
A DOG has been dismayed to realise that he is being used as a way for an average-looking man to attract women, it has emerged.
AN AFFLUENT couple have created an amazing house in which to do tedious things with their awful friends, they have revealed.
THE general public are just about ready to admit T2 Trainspotting is absolutely shocking, it has been confirmed.
BRITAIN has briefly noticed Northern Ireland before returning its attention to other things.
THINGY who was in Harry Potter is in a mood about some load of bollocks, it has emerged.