News

It's the beheadings I miss the most, says homesick Saudi King

KING Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has revealed that he hates to travel because he misses the daily beheadings in the courtyard of his solid gold palace.

Oil Price Rise Caused By Pixies

THE global surge in the price of oil has been blamed on pixies, sprites and their gang of magical woodland friends.

Gap Appalled At Quality Of Child Stitching

FASHION chain Gap has rejected an entire shipload of chinos produced by children in India saying the quality of the workmanship was “atrocious”. 

Royals Blackmailed Over 'Deformed Prince Under The Stairs'

THE Royal Family is being blackmailed over claims they have been keeping a deformed prince in a cupboard under the stairs.

Porn Fans Terrified By Gigantic Plasma Cocks

GIANT plasma screens have been declared unsuitable for watching pornography after an increase in the number of people traumatised by gigantic cocks.

Apple Tightens Grip With Launch Of iTold

APPLE is to tighten its grip on 21st Century society this week with the launch of iTold, a new software application which will seize control of every aspect of your life.

Public Not Aware Simply Red Was A Band

A GINGER tit is to carry on singing despite announcing he was splitting up a band which everyone thought was just him anyway.

Paris Hilton Shows Vagina To Firemen

CELEBRITY heiress Paris Hilton is to display her shaved vagina in a heartfelt 'thank-you' to California's brave firefighters.