News

Sharp Rise In Numbers Talking Absolute Shit

THE number of people talking absolute shit has risen for the tenth year in a row and is now at its highest since records began. 

Web Users Tell Phorm To Phuck Off

PHORM, the internet advertising spy, has been told to 'phuck right off' by a majority of web users.

'Oh My God! What The Fuck Is That!' Says Brown

PRIME minister Gordon Brown yesterday unveiled the government's annual list of Utterly Terrifying Things.

Is Hbos Run By Scotsmen?

FINANCIAL watchdogs are to investigate malicious rumours that HBOS, one of Britain's leading banks, is run by filthy Scotsmen.

Fill Up The Boot With Cats, Say Britain's Fatties

PET shops all over Britain have been besieged by fat men demanding their car boots be filled up with cats. 

Sainthood For Woman Who Put Chocolate On Hobnobs

THE Pope is being urged to confer sainthood on the Scottish biscuit maker who first had the idea of putting chocolate on a HobNob.

Paul Mccartney Has Been Dead Since 1966, Claims Heather

PAUL McCartney was killed in a car crash more than 40 years ago and replaced with a hypnotised doppelganger, his former wife claimed last night.

Religious Belief Makes You Smile Like A Psycho Killer, Say Experts

PEOPLE with strong religious beliefs are more likely to smile at you like some kind of unhinged, homicidal maniac, according to a new study.