We only need four hours' sleep, say very tired liars

ANYONE who claims they only need four hours sleep a night is a lying tired bastard, it has been confirmed.

Busy fox grabs a mid-morning mouse

A FOX with a lot on has just grabbed a quick mouse on the go.

Dad hoping someone saw him buy Stormzy CD

FATHER Bill McKay bought Stormzy's album in HMV and is really hoping someone saw him do it.

Scientists confirm four pints is best amount of beer

FOUR pints is the best amount of beer to drink, experts have confirmed.

Couple in long deathly silence after deciding to stop moaning

A LONG period of uncomfortable silence is ongoing after a couple decided to stop moaning. 

Telling people you take Viagra now less awkward than saying you voted for Brexit

IT IS now less embarrassing to tell people you take Viagra than to say you voted for Brexit, according to a new study.

Vengeful toddler gets father into boring dad chat

A DISGRUNTLED toddler has drawn his father into a conversation with another dad just to watch him writhe in awkwardness.  

1999 VW Golf with faulty exhaust now a London status symbol

DRIVING a knackered old hatchback in central London now costs £21.50 a day, so everyone wants to do it.