News

Dog can’t wait for owners to come home and see what he’s done with the place

A PET dog cannot wait for his owners to come back so they can see how he has remodelled the house.

Sex education to be compulsory for people who are particularly bad at sex

THE government is to make sex education compulsory for all UK citizens who are terrible at sex, it has confirmed.

Latest 80s revival is man’s relationship with school girlfriend

FOLLOWING Ghostbusters and Stranger Things, the latest 80s revival is Nathan Muir’s relationship with Nikki Hollis from 1988.

Elderly to be cared for by the china figurines they love so much, says government

BRITAIN’S elderly will be cared for by their china dogs, milkmaids and ladies in fancy hats, the government has announced.

Londoner fascinated to hear about life in ‘the regions’

A LONDONER is desperate to hear more about the provinces after learning of ‘life forms beyond the M25’.

Trump hiding from media 'like he owes them rent money'

DONALD Trump is currently hiding from the media as if he owes them two months’ rent money, it has been confirmed.

Cameron and Osborne 'in charge of Oscar envelopes'

DAVID Cameron and George Osborne were in charge of putting the names of Oscar winners in the right envelopes, it has emerged.

Number of Mini Eggs in bag always one less than you could possibly imagine

THERE are always fewer Mini Eggs in a bag than even the lowest estimate, mathematicians have confirmed.