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With Poppy Spalding
WEDNESDAY: ROME This week finds me in the former lava-loving, viaduct-building world dominator: Roma, Italia! It's always been my dream to come to Rome so I can see if all the roads really do lead here. I now fully understand how they do as there are just so many roads, and they literally lead in hundreds of directions.
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Dear Holly, I've been married to my wife for nearly twenty years and we have two wonderful children together. Regrettably, I seem to have accidentally had sex with a woman at work and I am worried my wife might find out...
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WHEN I was a younger woman, I flirted with the idea of getting into politics because of my diplomatic skills, impeccably high moral standards and vocabulary consisting of roughly a million words. This is why I cannot fathom how recent events have come to decimate our once so fabulous government.
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Dear Doctor Toby, I am in the ocean, it is sunny and warm and peaceful. I feel safe and relaxed for the first time in ages. Then a dolphin comes to see me. He is happy, and this makes me happy. And then his dolphin friends come and see me too and they form a circle around me, just below the water...
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Dear Holly, I have never been particularly thin, but recently I was told by my doctor that I'm clinically obese and I am beginning to think I should try to lose some weight. The problem is I'd much rather sit in an armchair and scoff enough Domino's pizza to feed a family of five than subject myself to the humiliation and trauma of exercise...
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Dispatches from Poppy Spalding I've always believed I am the reincarnation of the lush, gold-plated boy king, Tutankhamun. That is why it was imperative that I returned to my old stomping ground of ancient Egypt to check out my pyramids and cop some rays.
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Dear Holly, Since the birth of my first child, I have developed a rather intimate and embarrassing problem, and I am too ashamed to visit the doctor. Before I fell pregnant I was vaguely aware that having a baby might have some physical side-effects, but it seems that squeezing out a head and shoulders has seriously knackered my flaps...
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Dear Holly, I am feeling depressed just now as I really hate my job. I've been working there for over 2 years but I've never really enjoyed it, and my colleagues are all back-stabbing arseholes. Recently, I've found myself calling in sick on a regular basis, taking solace in masturbating on the couch to Jeremy Kyle and eating entire multi-packs of crisps before 3pm. The thought of going back to work the next day makes me almost suicidal. I can't bear it any longer! Can you help?
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By Karen Fenessey
WHAT would you do if your parents knew exactly what your willy or vagina looked like?
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