Opinion
Guest Blog: Prince Harry On Tour
"OI you, saggy flaps!" I shouted at the trolley dolly as she walked down the aisle to serve one of my six bodyguards, "I think you'll find that this is only a triple measure of Jack and I specifically asked for a quadruple. Be a luv and bring us the bottle."
Wax Attack
This week's hottest new single releases
Das Shittz - You Are Not My Daddy
The band recently reported their producer to the musical ombudsman after
he bricked them up into a chimney until they got a drum snare right.
My Big Gap Year
Dispatches from Poppy Spalding
Thursday: New Orleans
'What's the biggest drag when you're at somebody's funeral listening to
the priest talk mumbo jumbo for what seems like hours?'
Diana In Heaven
IT was Michael Jackson's first deathday celebration day last Friday and
to be honest, it was a bigger fuck-up than that time he hung the kid
over the balcony - the bloke just hasn't got a bloody clue.
Diana In Heaven
Went round to Brian Clough's to watch the England v Slovenia match
the other day. Was planning to go to Don Revie's but when we got there
he was charging people twenty quid to get in and had put a ban on
everyone bringing in their own drinks.
One Woman's Week: Black To Basics
By Karen Fenessey
WHEN people ask me, 'Karen! Been watching the World Cup?', I always
respond, 'World Cup? World Crap more like!'. Normally, Wimbledon is the
only sporting date in my summer diary. For me, football has always been
something played by faceless alcoholics with clammy thighs and
impenetrable regional accents...
Diana In Heaven
I put a bag of my hair shavings on eBay this week – genuine stuff, and although I’m not saying where it came from, you can probably make an educated guess. Five days later and the top bid was 20p. Shocking...
Spotted!
This week's hot star sightings...
Unemployed South Bank Show janitor MELVYN BRAGG sitting alone in a park
in West London, feeding birds from a bag of sawdust and trying to lick
the tip of his own nose…
Diana In Heaven
WORST HOLIDAY EVER
So Dodi finally got that restraining order dropped that he'd taken
out against me with The Big Man. Then, better still, he turns up out of
the blue at my gaff with Henri Paul, the engine revving and wanting to
know if I fancied going for a spin. Fuck, yeah!
