GETTING up at some horrible time of the day to do the show is rubbish, especially when you’ve been out on the pop all night. Last night was no exception – blimey, if I had a quid for every pint I drank, I’d be even richer than the rich man I already am (thanks licence payers!). It was a pretty heavy session - I was hanging out with a few pals of mine, you know, Pete Doherty – lovely bloke, Kate Moss – top lass, and some hangers on from Big Brother.

I read an article in Time magazine about a year ago and apparently, okay, and this is no fucking bullshit - it's a fact that all women, and when I say all women - I'm talking Madonna, the woman who works in the 7/11 down the road, every woman who ever appeared in a Russ Meyer movie, those women you see carrying big jugs of water on their heads in Africa - okay, so you get the picture, we're talking all women okay - would rather listen to Johnny Cash Live at San Quentin than have oral sex with their husband. Fact.