By Karen Fenessey 

I HAVE always been one of those annoying people who can do anything if they turn their mind to it. After a two week holiday in Corfu, I was pretty much fluent - chatting to locals about their daily lives and learning all about their unique habits. This is just one of the many skills I possess, and which make me the envy of pretty much everyone I meet. 

None of you people who lead ordinary, run-of-the-mill, dreary, worthless existences could possibly imagine what it’s like to live in the goldfish bowl - in fact, the thing I live in is more than that…it’s like an aquarium big enough to house those really, really big tortoises that can swim. That’s what it’s like to be me.