Lib Dems regain position as Britain’s last, desperate choice

THE Liberal Democrats’ second place in the Witney by-election confirmed them as the party Britain turns to when all hope is lost.

Theresa May loses Britain in late-night poker game

THE prime minister has lost British sovereignty to Germany in a game of poker at the European summit in Brussels.

UKIP to bow out with massive pub brawl

UKIP is to signal its demise with a classic British pub fight, it has been confirmed.

Boris has Marxist column ready to go in case that becomes popular

BORIS Johnson has prepared a magazine article about how great Marxism is, it has emerged.

Terrifying headmistress quite prepared to make Scotland re-sit referendum

SCOTLAND must keep re-sitting its referendum until it puts the right answer, according to its headmistress.

SNP announces second instalment of Independence Day trilogy

THE second part of Scotland’s Indyref trilogy will reach audiences before 2019, Nicola Sturgeon has announced.

Foreign policy ‘entirely based on 70s war comics’

BORIS Johnson’s strategy for dealing with other countries is based on his collection of children’s war comics, he has revealed.

MPs to debate massive disaster then do it anyway

MPS have welcomed plans to discuss Brexit in depth then just do it anyway.