Arseholed Nick Clegg screams filth at a pigeon

AN incredibly drunk Nick Clegg has been swearing violently at a pigeon in central London.

Scotland wants independence too, but in a bad way

SCOTLAND wants independence in a way that is nationalistic rather than patriotic, according to the government.

Everybody ordered to get with their Brexit Buddy

THE entire population of the UK must spend the next two years with their government-assigned Brexit Buddy.

I have no idea what I have just done

AS prime minister and leader of your country, I have just done something which will have consequences completely unknown to me.

Worried Britons notice opposite of everything May says is true

THE exact opposite of anything Theresa May says is correct, concerned Britons have realised.

Jubilant Brexiters shitting themselves

BREXIT supporters are celebrating the Article 50 announcement while desperately trying to ignore all evidence that they are idiots.

Tories broke election spending laws to promote candidates who are just shit

THE Conservative Party broke campaign spending rules to promote candidates who are not worth a half-arsed, photo-copied leaflet.

Jim Davidson winning Celebrity Big Brother was first sign of rise in neo-fascism, say experts

JIM Davidson’s 2014 victory in Celebrity Big Brother was the first sign of the rise of far-right populism, experts have confirmed.