Politics

Miliband undergoing massive operation to prove love for NHS

ED Miliband is to have his lungs removed, put in an ape and then returned to him to show how keen on the NHS he is.

Green Party defence policy is to be really annoying

THE Green Party has revealed plans to replace soldiers with earnest bearded men who bang on about solar panels.

Support for far-right at 20-year low if you don’t include really obvious things

SUPPORT for far-right politics in Britain is at a 20 year low if you do not include beliefs and ideas, researchers have found.

Miliband offers to debate with himself

ED MILIBAND has said he will take part in televised election debates even if he is the only one there.

Cameron demands colour-coded clothing for debates

THE prime minister has refused to take part in TV debates unless all participants wear suits colour-coded to their party.

Tories to eradicate regional accents

THE Conservatives have promised to stamp out all confusing regional accents if elected for another term.

Britain draws straws over who has to talk to some Labour Party arsehole

BRITAIN is to draw straws after Labour pledged to bother four million people in the privacy of their own homes.

Chance of Russia starting global war only 40 per cent, world reassured

GEOPOLITICAL experts believe that the danger of Russia initiating a third world war within the next few months is scarcely more than one in three.