Politics

We can get through Brexit if we're high, says Hague

FORMER Tory leader William Hague believes that the UK can get through Brexit fine as long as it remains 'high as shit' throughout.

Universal Credit 'meant to be shit or people might use it'

THE Universal Credit system was always intended to be non-functional or people might use it to get money to live, the government has explained.

Brexit bill to be a terrible betrayal of someone

THE Brexit bill coming to the Commons this afternoon will definitely end up being a terrible betrayal of someone, MPs have agreed. 

You don't need to secretly record me to hear me saying stupid shit, says Boris

BORIS Johnson has assured the public that he says ill-thought-out, inflammatory nonsense quite openly, so there is no need to secretly record him.

David Davis to use SAS skills in Brexit disagreement

DAVID Davis plans to halt publication of the government’s Brexit white paper by using his SAS experience to swing through a window on a rope.

Government announces crackdown on blaming police cuts for crime

THE government is to impose minimum 10-year sentences on anyone attempting to blame police cuts for rising crime, it has announced. 

Ministers claim third Heathrow runway vital for mass exodus from this shitty country

HEATHROW’S controversial third runway is vital for the forthcoming exodus from this arsed-up country, government officials have confirmed.

Get back on the canals, May tells North

THE prime minister has responded to the northern rail crisis by ordering locals off trains and back on narrowboats where they belong.