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NO-ONE TO PHONE A RADIO SHOW EVER AGAIN

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PEOPLE across Britain last night agreed never to phone a radio show ever again in case Gordon Brown decides to visit them.

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MAN YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF IS NOW THING YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT

ImageBRITISH politics was in turmoil last night after a man you have never heard of was elected to do something you couldn't care less about.

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MPs CENSOR EXPENSES IN BID TO MAKE YOU FORGET

ImageMPs have published a censored version of their expenses in the hope that you will forget you have already seen them.

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THATCHER TRIES TO CLOSE HER OWN WARD

ImageBARONESS Thatcher was under sedation last night after trying to close the ward where she is being treated.

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BROWN MAKES ARSE OF NEW THING

ImageGORDON Brown continued his political fightback last night by somehow finding a brand new thing to make an arse of.

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BROWN SURVIVES AS LABOUR REBELS BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, WHO GIVES A SHIT?

ImageDEPUTY prime minister Gordon Brown survived a backbench revolt last night after pledging to change his style of leadership and blah, blah, blah, you're not still reading this are you?

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THIS IS HOW THE NAZIS STARTED, SAYS EVERYONE

ImageTHE Nazis started out with just a couple of MPs and six percent of the vote you know, everyone said last night.

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BROWN STAMPS AUTHORITY WITH STUPID, POINTLESS RESHUFFLE

ImageGORDON brown reasserted his authority today with what his supporters insisted was a stupid, pointless reshuffle that won't make the slightest difference to anything.
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OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE JUST DO IT, BRITAIN TELLS LABOUR

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LABOUR was today told to just get on with it so we can all have a peaceful weekend without having to watch Nick Robinson jumping up and down like a child that's bursting for a piss.
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