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LABOUR TO FOCUS ON SELLING BOOKS

LABOUR is to shift its focus from governing the country to selling books, the prime minister will announce today.
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WENDY ALEXANDER GOES TO TOILET BY HERSELF

THE Scottish Labour leader Wendy Alexander was celebrating last night after going to the toilet all by herself.
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I HATE EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU, ADMITS BROWN

PRIME minster Gordon Brown last night admitted he loathes absolutely everyone in Britain.
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Opinion

'I WAS THERE'

Christopher Walken remembers the 1982 World Snooker Championships DIDDLY-dee! diddily-dee! That’s the sound the wheels on a train make – diddly-dee! diddly-dee! I hate that noise, I hate it almost as much as I do Adam Sandler movies, so I pulled the emergency chord above my head, bringing the 12.57 from King’s Cross to Sheffield, shuddering to a halt.
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